He loves…

Picture Credit jheatherleigh.blogspot.com

It has been sometime since I have felt the leading to write. My days have been busy with work responsibilities in this ever-changing mental health system. My heart has grown ever more discontent with my current role as a clinician. A holy discontentment stirring in my soul. The realization of God’s Spirit working. Yet, not knowing the direction for which I will ultimately go. My heart anticipating each day that I am closer to starting divinity school.

Calm longing. An adventure of exploration and learning. God quenching my insatiable thirst for purpose and meaning! Deeper, Lord! I want to go deeper in my understanding and closer in my relationship to you! Let nothing stand between my devotion and desire for you! Continue to purge my heart of all that does not serve you well.

Vision. Viewing life from the beauty of the Kingdom of God. Letting go of worldly answers and wisdom of men. Fullness of life flowing from the Living Water – Breath! Inner peace in knowing that you walk with me daily. Joy in knowing that I am never alone. Assurance of your faithfulness. Stillness that gently holds my being with complete wonder of your glory and majesty!

Quite surrender. Holy Spirit leading with gentle whispers of affirmation. Groaning creation yearning and longing for the Creator! Gentle breeze of holy praise!

Holiness. God you are holy. Falling to my face with complete brokenness. Undone. Transform all that I am to be holy as you are holy. Trusting each moment that you lead me to repentance as your presence overwhelms my humanity. Peace washes over my soul with each tear as you wipe away all sin.

Truth. My Savior. Jesus. As I read your story my understanding grows, we have forgotten! Simplicity. Presence. Being in each moment embraced with love. I imagine your gentle face with eyes full of compassion. Your touch of healing and hope. Your words of grace and mercy. Awaken us from our slumbering sleep. Beauty. Magnificent love!

I will forever proclaim your wondrous love and amazing grace!

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Picture Credit momswalldecals.com

God is faithful…

Praise be to God for He is faithful!

Today has been a day of celebration as my daughter graduated from Western Carolina University!

I have found myself with much gratitude and praise for all that the Lord has done in our lives.

I am so proud of my children. They have persevered in this journey with me and grown into the most amazing individuals. My heart sings praises to God for giving me the courage to take that first step that would transform my life and that of my children forever.

I continue to seek God’s will each day and to be the presence of Christ to the individuals that I am so privileged to serve in my role as a Clinical Social Worker. My heart soars with hope – creative vision stirs with each story that I hear. My soul stirs with curious anticipation of God’s plan. I know that there is no obstacle to great for those who seek God with brokenness and longing to have their lives transformed.

Miracles really do happen – believe! Cycles can be broken. Wounds can be healed. Darkness turned to light and despair turned to hope. God is good!

This week spoke deeply to my heart as God continues to give me glimpses of His will for my life. God’s presence reassuring me that I am right where I need to be. Divinity school is four months away and I think about it with abiding joy in my heart each day! To grow closer in my walk to the Divine. I anticipate with praise the work that God will do in my heart and soul! The joy of being used by God in His story brings me to my knees with humble dependence of His guiding wisdom and grace. Change me, Lord! Transform me to reflect your beauty!

— Amazing Grace — Beautiful Savior— Merciful Lord — Loving Father — Great Counselor — Wise Teacher — Lover of my Soul —

How I praise you! You are faithful in every breath of my being. Gently loving me in this journey as you draw me closer and mold me with your purpose and plan. How wondrous you are! I am unable to comprehend your Majesty! Splendorous Creator!

Celebrating the journey fully alive! Praise be to God… He is faithful!

Whisper of Peace…

Photo credit: pargodungan.org

Quite stillness of heart.

Peace.

My being embraced with God’s presence

and reassuring promises.

Silence of speech.

I find myself in a place unfamiliar. Each day brings a steady sense of God’s presence actively working in my heart and mind.

Love.

Grace.

Silence.

Stillness.

Breath.

Held by the gentle whisper of the Master’s call.

Be still my soul.

Heartbeat.

Flowing life.

Beauty.

Moment by moment awareness of the Divine. Spirit leading with complete surrender of my soul. My soul finding home. Creator.

Merciful and Loving God,

how you have captured

my heart, soul and mind!

Silenced in wonder

of your amazing love.

Breath of life!

Sweet whispers

from the Divine.

Life Moves Forward…

Life moves forward…

It seems that the past month or so has been a mixture of extreme joy and deep sorrow.

Death appears to have blackened the reality of my existence from the loss of two young men in our community and then the loss of my cousin who was taken in the prime of his life. My heart has been broken and my soul emptied of any reasonable explanation.

Hope rewarded with joy as I am experiencing the final steps of a journey started several years ago with faith in God’s calling.

Emotions that have left me without words. Moments simply embraced by my longing for God’s presence. Moments of deep gratitude to God for His faithfulness. Moments of deep insight of meaning and purpose that are followed with more questions – seeking, searching, crying out to God for wisdom and discernment!

Life moves forward…

A deep reflection on the journey ahead that moves my soul to silence. I find myself simply taking in each moment of life. It feels that moments are moving in slow motion – deep breath of life! Do I see — Do I hear — Do I fully comprehend the wonder of the gift of life? Suddenly everything fades into shades of gray as my hands and heart open to release all that my intellectual reasoning has held firmly… releasing my own wisdom as God embraces me with the warmth of His love! Do I love? My mind swept away in the attempt to understand such love that God has called us to imitate.

Life moves forward…

Changing moment by moment. Age? Wisdom? Awareness that the Spirit is moving… My soul held in God’s hand as He removes all that does not glorify Him. Stillness… no fighting or running… change me! Open my eyes and help me to hear! Arms opened wide as my awareness is overwhelmed with a vision of beauty only found in the Kingdom of God!

Life moves forward…

I have been reading Worship as Pastoral Care by William H. Willimon the past couple of days and the words echo in my heart as God has moved me profoundly.

The New Testament refers to the church as the Body of Christ.

Just as the love of God for the world was embodied

to Jesus of Nazareth (see Col.2:9),

so the love of God assumes flesh in the world

through his church which continues to make

God’s love manifest in the

world (see II Cor. 5:19).

Are we able to wrap our minds around this? Am I able to wrap my mind around this? Do I really understand the depths of responsibility of being a member of the Body of Christ? This seems to be something that God is really emphasizing in my heart at the moment. It has brought me to a place of silence before God to hear – speak Lord for your servant is listening! Do people see the love of God when they are in my presence – my soul simply groans for transformation as my heart and mind know that I fall short everyday!

What does God want from our worship?

… Perhaps, as Paul went on to say, one reason that

we and our congregations are sick,

one reason that our worship does not hurt

or help and rarely heals,

is that we do not worship

the Wholly Other

but only a limp,

idealized image of ourselves.

Idealized image of ourselves!? Does the world see the love of God or an idealized image of ourselves? With a heavy heart I simply ask God to continue to teach me how to love and maybe even to teach me what love is according to his definition… I pause because God’s love endured all the way to the cross!

Life moves forward…

Slow my heart, soul and mind to be changed dear Lord! Give me eyes to see, ears to hear and wisdom to listen. God, I have so much to learn! Give me a teachable spirit and fill my being with a deeper hunger to know you! Forever giving you the praise, honor and glory!

Preview Day…

Home from my visit to Gardner-Webb University! Needless to say I did not get much sleep last night as my excitement was hard to tame. Today has brought a deep sense of peace and calm. I am grounded in the reality that this is indeed my time to be at GWU!

I had the privilege of sharing lunch with Dr. Larry George who shared some of his story – God already working! It was a story that I needed to hear. God embraced my heart with affirmation that I am not alone in the challenges that I have experienced.

Two classes that I have been anxious about were Greek and Hebrew. I have already been praying that God will help me because those classes are very intimidating to me! So, who do you think teaches these classes at GWU – Dr. George! By the time we finished lunch I was ready to start Greek and Hebrew! All my fear vanished and God reassured my heart that I can do this!

I was able to sit in The Pastoral Care of Families with Dr. Herbert Palomino. Also, The Cross with Dr. Sheri Adams. I realized how much I have to learn, however, my being was filled with great anticipation of the journey ahead! After lunch we attended the Tenebrae Worship Service with the School of Divinity. All opportunities were inspiring and encouraging! It was so wonderful to meet other students who are filled with as much hope and joy to start school in the fall as I am. I have never been in a place where I have experienced so much love and genuine caring to support individuals to answer God’s call upon their lives. The wisdom, experience and knowledge in this place rendered me with great humility.

I have registered for classes and will be taking Introduction to Theological Education for Ministry (Dr. West), Introduction to Christian History (Dr. Adams), Administration and Leadership in the Church (Dr. Steibel) and Interpersonal Relationships (Dr. Palomino).

I drove away from the college today feeling whole – knowing who I am and my purpose of being. The only thoughts on my heart were my love for God and my deep gratitude for His love and grace. My conviction for obedience and service to humankind. A call to love and be the light of Christ. I really do not have words to express my heart because I have never experienced so deeply the abiding presence of God.

Photo Credit: nicholeheady.typepad.com

Tears of Praise…

God here we are!

I have journeyed to Boiling Springs in order to attend the Master of Divinity Preview Day at The School of Divinity at Gardner-Webb University tomorrow. I left work today and as soon as I hit the interstate the tears began to flow! God’s presence filled my being as I listened to praise and worship music. The tears subsided around Hendersonville. My thought was simple – God is faithful!

I drove around the campus in order to find my destination for the morning and knew in the depths of my soul that I have truly been called for such a time as this! God’s timing flows with perfected harmony. I will meet the faculty, have an opportunity to experience the classroom and worship service, take a campus tour and attend an advising appointment to register for classes. My prayer for tomorrow is simply not to cry all day!

I shared with a dear friend this week about my overwhelming excitement. She shared my joy as we have walked this journey together – good, bad and ugly! It is so nice to have someone who knows you deeply! Someone who has seen you at your worst and embraces your humanity with love. God continues to bless my life with sojourners who have embraced me with love and encouragement. I am so grateful to God!

This will be a night spent with God. A night of thanksgiving and prayer. A night of praise to my Lord. A night to seek God’s heart as we start the next steps in this amazing journey. And the tears flow… Praise be to God!

Picture Credit: elizabethhagan.com

Ordinary Day With An Extraordinary God…

I am a social media geek! I love Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc… I find wonderful articles and it allows me to stay on top of current events, and stay connected to individuals and organizations. I love Brene Brown! She is one of my favorite researchers of shame, vulnerability and connection. I watched her appearance with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday this afternoon – check it out Oprah.com! I have used her curriculum called Connections with some of my clients who are in recovery from substance use disorders. I have read her books and completed the curriculum myself - it was very helpful! I love her because she talks about having the courage to make ourselves vulnerable and embracing our imperfections. That is what prompted my attempts at blogging and birthed Courage for the Journey.

I have found healing in my ability to make myself vulnerable and with each post that I submit I am finding a stronger and more confident voice! I realized today as I was perusing Facebook that at the core of my being I no longer need the approval of others. This was a profound moment for me. I had an awareness of this shift during a conversation we were having in Sunday School yesterday… I paused! I came across the picture below from the Facebook page A Mighty Girl and it made me smile.

Photo Credit: http://www.facebook.com/amightygirl

I was me! I have been on the most adventurous journey with God and in the process I found me! I found that I am worthy – I am enough! The more I open myself to be known and allow my imperfections and fears to be seen the more connected I am with those around me. Our hearts long for connection – belonging – to be known at the deepest level of our humanity! To be known and embraced with all of our imperfections. That is what is so beautiful about the Gospel of Jesus Christ – we are the beloved! Understanding that our foundation of worthiness is in Christ! In Christ we are released from fear because perfect love casts out fear!

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.

If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we

have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:18 NLT)

I continue to feel the pull toward advocacy and education around women in ministry. Today I found another jewel from the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship 2013 General Assembly: Her Place at the Table – Creating a Church Culture in which Women are Welcomed as Ministers and Leaders with Pam Durso, Executive Director, Baptist Women in Ministry, Atlanta, GA. I listened with a reassuring confidence and shared on my churches Facebook page in response to an insert in our program on Sunday. Special Prayer Focus – Baptist Women’s Ministry. April 1 Baptist Women’s Meeting decisions on the future and expansion of the ministry… My heart jumped at the thought of having a Baptist Women’s Ministry partnered with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship and Baptist Women in Ministry for our rural community! What an opportunity to educate and provide opportunities for women to answer the call of God and to share their gifts, and be role models for the beautiful and intelligent little girls in our congregation and community!

I received information to register for classes in the mail today as the icing on the cake! I will register for classes next week! I just continue to see so many areas of opportunity in our small community to minister words of hope, love and life! Excitement to know how God will use me sometimes gets the best of me! I have to remind myself that I am already ministering everyday. I have a deep sense of waiting to meet someone that I have known and cherished for so long… I anticipate growing and learning things about God that I have never known! I anticipate expanding my perspective. Developing a deeper understanding of the rich heritage that I am part of and celebrating the diversity of faith. I truly have high expectations of God! That almost sounds ridiculous, however, why would I have anything else – this is God we are talking about! I believe, I believe, I believe! I believe in miracles – ordinary miracles that happen daily as I walk with God. Moments of insight and awareness as I walk with God. Hand in hand with my Lord…divine conversation and presence. Following the rhythm of the Spirit with an open heart and mind. Just another ordinary day with an extraordinary God!

It Is Well With My Soul…

Photo Credit: glazedfromtheheart.blogspot.com

I am reflecting upon the week with an exhausted state of being. I feel drained physically, mentally and emotionally. Our small community has experienced such tragedy with the death of two young men, Tyler Bowman age 19 and Nate Southards age 16. Nate and my son were good friends and as a mother my heart breaks for the parents of these boys. As a mother, my heart aches for my son as he grieved the loss of his friend, Nate. Presence and much prayer! I am so grateful to our Pastor, Ted Duncan and his wife, Robyn! They ministered to our children over the course of the week with great compassion and empathy. Pastor Ted allowed me to pour my heavy heart out to God in prayer together and provided guidance for my own journey. My cousin has been in ICU for several weeks now and has battled illness from his cystic fibrosis. My heart breaks for him and my aunt as I cannot imagine the heartbreak of watching your son suffer and struggle day after day. This week has reminded me of my humanity and the beautiful gift of life. I have pulled my son a little closer and thanked God for each moment of breath. I have reflected on the important things in life and determined to be more intentional in drawing closer to God and continuing the journey toward divinity school. I will continue to open my heart and mind to God to be transformed.

I have continued to read the books shared with me by my pastor. My heart has been moved with deep conviction of God’s continued call to follow Him. The words within the pages echoed over in my heart and mind truths that I have experienced and longings deep within my soul to know God! My heart affirmed by God’s presence as whispers of peace cascade over my soul. Gentle assurance that God has been with me in this journey every step of the way! Gentle assurance that even though I have felt so alone at times that God has been the one who has sustained my ability to keep moving forward. As God continues to move in my heart there is such a deep and profound movement of God’s Spirit like I have never experienced before. Deep abiding grace in knowing that God is in control and that His will is going to be done in my life. Calmness and security. It is well with my soul…

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,